Signs of Aspergers Syndrome

Dating on the Spectrum

Dating on the spectrum can present challenges and opportunities, whether you are straight, LGBT, or asexual. Each preference presents unique challenges and opportunities to those on the Autism Spectrum. Let's Explore what it means to date on the Autism Spectrum/with Aspergers Syndrome.

In General

For this we will divide this into men and women. Many of issues facing straight men and women in straight relationtionships can be applied to LGBT relationships and beyond.

Everyone should be aware of abusive behavior. It is too easy to simply put up with it because there are not many options. It may manifest differently based off the person's sex, but if they are gaslighting you, not providing a positive atmosphere for you overall, not acknowledging your challenges that you face being on the Spectrum, belittling you because of physical characteristics, or isolates you from people that care (among other things), the relationship is not likely a healthy one.

Sometimes people luck into a relationship, even if they have not worked on themselves. This can be dangerous, as if you have not worked on yourself, you may put yourself at the disposal of dangerous people. In psychology, there is the idea we have images of role models, both male and female. Generally the one that is you sex you had at birth is dominant, although there is debate to how this applies to people who identify as LGBT, but in that case the same sex gender as someone was at birth would be what would be dominant. If for whatever reason you image of the gender of your partner is skew or is severely flawed, then that can attract people who are not aware of their toxic behavior or worse, use people's weaknesses to attract weak people they can manipulate. This is why forgiving yourself, building up confidence through special interests, and sorting out issues within is important. Work by Carl Jung might be helpful in dealign with issues like these.

Also it might be a common retort from ourselves or others that we need to mask, but we should be hesitant to this. It might make sense to be hesitant due to infodumping or behavior that might not fit the situation, but we can take small and steady wins to synthesize our needs and socially required needs from those around us. You need to meet people half way, and if they are not willing to, then you should ignore them. You should be able to share snippets of your favorite interests. As we mentioned in the Uncanny Valley article, you will want to be a bit more reserved with something like a job, but in socializling you want to be your authentic self, otherwise you might risk looking like a mini robot.


One thing that is common in the last 10 years from men and women is the general toxicity of both. For men this may express themselves in inceldom or a general negativity towards the opposite sex, rightfully or wrongfully. Women may thing men are in on a conspiracy to keep them down, despite this being distributed in a Pareto fashion. The internet skews how large bad actors are, but in the process create toxic people, that may act out malevolently. We must be brave in this time of revolutionary change. Regardless of how monopolistic and game theoried to hell online dating may be, or how society and the man is holding us back, we are responsible for ourselves. It does not matter if we grew up poor in Africa, under the watchful eye of the CCP in China, or in a flawed capitalist economy like in the United State, you are responsible for thriving where you are.


One thing you should be cautious of is trying to initiate only when you see signals, especially for men. Several years ago it would have been acceptable to go up to someone and randomly introduce yourself, but at least now in Western societies, this tends to be frowned upon as a rule. The exception might be as part of a social group about a social topic, but even then trying not to take it too fast.

People also always try to make a deal with self improvement, which can be good. However, emotional self improvement is often underrated. Many times our image of the opposite sex is tainted due to bad past experiences or other things. Having a positive image, but realistic image of the opposite sex is vital if you want to date. if you don't you may seek out things that others did not provide , instead of sorting this out internally. A positive self image is also important, and becoming your inner parent can help deal with traumas that are holding you back.


There seems to be a correlation between the on the Spectrum identifying as LGBT. This is an interesting phenomenon and there are some ideas as to why this is, but it is beyond the scope of this article. Within LGBT preferences, there is a lot of diversity as to what people like and don't like, so that is an advantage to someone who identifies as LGBT and has Aspergers Syndrome or is on the Autism Spectrum. Different people and different specific preferences (such as bisexuality) each have differences and things that are the same, but that is beyond this article.

Despite some upside and it being easier as someone who is passive sexually (which many on the Spectrum may at least seem like), there still is stiff competition and for certain groups, such as lesbians, venues that cater to them have been shutting down lately due to the economy and covid. It might be easier to stick to trying to date those on the Autism Spectrum due to the prevalence of those identifying as LGBT and there are likely more support resources. Hiki and other apps may be helpful, as well as socializing on Reddit and WrongPlanet, but there can still be a lot of manipulative and toxic behavior on these and other platforms like Discord, so please do be warned of that. What can be positive (more attention), can also be a double edged sword.


The most important things about this is setting boundaries. Sexual intimacy is important to many people, both men and women, so trying to find people that are compatible may be hard. Hiki might be more helpful in finding people on the Spectrum that are coming from the same spot you are in. You should keep open communication to make sure both partners are in it for the right reasons. Further, you may consider waiting longer to make things official (like marriage or moving in) to make sure there are no hidden feelings.

Where to Find People

Dating platforms may work for some people, but tend to frustrate others. Hiki may be a bit more palatable to those on the Spectrum. You should strive to have a full social life, fill with things related to your special interest. Further, as cliched as this sounds, work on yourself. Some people might say go work out (which is not bad, but misses the point). The reason many may be lonesome is they never nurtured their inner family. For whatever reason, people (especially on the Autism Spectrum), tend to beat themselves up and seek out a solution outside themselves. However, as Tolstoy said, the Kingdom of God is Within. Carl Jung had an idea of the Anima, or our idea of an idealized woman (Animus for a man, whichever is the opposite of your sex at birth). When out Anima (or Animus) is out of whack due to a problematic childhood, we may try to see out a better version of the Anima/us in the outside world. But by first forgiving ourselves, patting ourselves on the back, or other self affirming actions, we can prevent manipulative people from taking over.

So with that disclaimer out of the way, we can proceed. Keep an open mind. You could find someone at work, at a birthday party, at the library, whatever. Just be focused on your True North (whatever that goal is). Bars and clubs can be ok, but they need to be there for you to have fun. So if you like English pubs, go to English pubs. If you like Latin music, go for that vibe. As you are happy, everything else will fall into place. The main point is not to go some place just to meet the opposite sex, but to have fun, and live up to your purpose. Once you start noticing some attention (eye contact, continued touching or similar body movements, or too much attention to be "normal"), perhaps you should work on flirting. Flirting is beyond this article, but light teasing never hurt.

Hope this article helps. Now get out there!